


Legality

by Nyanoka



Category: Pocket Monsters | Pokemon - All Media Types, Pocket Monsters: Sword & Shield | Pokemon Sword & Shield Versions
Genre: Background Relationships, Drunken Shenanigans, Implied Sexual Content, Implied/Referenced Incest, Implied/Referenced Underage, M/M, Other Ships Not Mentioned in Tags
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-29
Updated: 2020-03-29
Packaged: 2021-02-28 17:08:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,839
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23350714
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nyanoka/pseuds/Nyanoka
Summary: It's not technically illegal according to Leon.Another night with the boys turn into a rather stupid argument, and apparently, among the three of them, Raihan's the only one with a fully functioning moral compass and a relationship that isn't illicit in some way.
Relationships: Dande | Leon/Dande no Lizardon | Leon's Charizard, Masaru | Victor/Nezu | Piers
Comments: 4
Kudos: 28





	Legality

**Author's Note:**

> Honestly, I just wanted to work with something less serious than what I normally do and to lampshade my general tendencies when it comes to this particular cast of characters. It's honestly not meant to taken as a super serious and sober work like everything else I tend to do. It's just for me to mess around with honestly.

It’s not _technically_ illegal.”

If you have to clarify that then it’s fuckin’ illegal, Leon.”

Fucking shit. Raihan groans before placing his head in his hands. It’s only been a few bottles—three-fourths of a box between the three of them—and they’re already at it. He doesn’t know exactly _why_ his friends are deviants or why the topic of argument, if it even deserved that title and not the designation of a petty drunken squabble, always came back to some pestering bullshit on relationships, but it does.

They aren’t even that aggressive during their sober hours usually. Piers perhaps but that particular sort of mood tended to show up in his concerts and Pokémon battles, not in conversation or day-to-day life.

He almost _wishes_ that Sonia were here with him—he doesn’t want to suffer alone, and she tends to balance out their oddness—and that it hadn’t turned into a night with just the boys. Naturally, he had invited her as well, but she had declined—too busy with work and a conference paper due tomorrow for drinks.

Beside him, he hears a glass shatter. Raihan groans again. God, at least he had the foresight to use his shitty dollar store glassware and not the expensive giftset he got from Sonia last month for his birthday.

Fuck. His head hurts now, and they haven’t even made it to the second box yet. He’s still on his third bottle too.

He almost wishes he could kick them out, but he can’t. It’s rude.

That and Leon had been the one to buy drinks tonight.

He can’t exactly kick Leon out yet—Kalosian Vintage is expensive even by his standards—and he doesn’t want to hear more complaining in the morning. He could kick Piers out maybe—he’s not exactly heavy, just lanky and a bit bite-y—but he also doesn’t want to deal with Leon in one of his moods alone.

If Piers is an aggressive drunk, Leon is an overly inquisitive, philosophical drunk.

Raihan doesn’t exactly want another existential crisis—the last one was bad enough, and he’s still not quite sure if they really lived in a video game simulation or not—or more invasive, even by his standards, questions about his sex life with Lance.

More arguing and another glass shattering.

Shit. He should have listened to Sebastian and bought some plastic tumblers. They’re tacky in his opinion—overly cheap looking—but at least, they wouldn’t shatter like his glassware now.

Raihan hears the distinctive fizzing of a bottle opening before Leon makes another rebuttal.

“It’s legal in Johto.”

Oh shit. He knows exactly where this would go.

Another grumble from Piers before he replies, “We’re in Galar, dumbass. Johto laws don’t apply here. Don’t even think it’s applicable over there anymore.”

Piers’s response doesn’t deter Leon, however. He only turns towards Raihan.

“Is it still legal? What does Lance say?”

Raihan knows he’ll regret it, but he asks anyway. He has an inkling of Leon’s answer, but he doesn’t want to assume the worst of him.

Hesitantly, Raihan asks, “What does he have to do with this?”

Without missing a beat, Leon replies, “I mean, he fucks his Dragonite, right? How does he feel about it?”

Raihan doesn’t even have the energy to correct him. Instead, he only takes another drink from his bottle.

Unfortunately, however, Piers replies for him.

“You’re the only one here who fucks their Pokémon.” Piers snorts. “Can they even consent?”

I don’t fuck _all_ of my Pokémon” —Raihan’s not particularly fond of how defensive Leon sounds—“just Charizard. I mean, he fucks me bu—”

Another bottle sounds remarkably good right now, and Raihan grabs it from the box on his coffee table. It’s still cold thankfully, even without a cooler or ice. He doesn’t think he would have been able to take both a warm beer _and_ their stupidity, not without losing more brain cells anyway.

He needs to drink more anyhow. The police probably couldn’t hold him liable as an accomplice if he were shitfaced drunk.

After a few minutes of rambling, Leon continues, “Well, what about you and Victor? Can he consent? He’s like twelve.”

Piers doesn’t reply. He only flips him off before snatching another Vintage.

Raihan grabs the bottle opener from the table, pops the cap from his drink, and downs it.

Despite Piers’s rudeness, Leon doesn’t seem all too agitated. Instead, he only turns back to Raihan. Thankfully, Leon’s left his bottle on the table at this point. Leon’s clumsy as shit when drunk, and Raihan doesn’t want him to ruin his mahogany flooring any further.

He already has to get the dustpan and broom soon for the glass.

“So, what _does_ he think about it?”

It takes all of Raihan’s strength not to simply ignore him and drink more. He wants to, but he also doesn’t think Leon would drop the matter, not without a reply anyhow.

“Lance doesn’t”—ah shit, his headache is worse now—“fuck his Pokémon. _No one_ in Johto does.”

That he knows of or _wants to_ know of anyway, but he’s not going to say that out loud. He doesn’t want to goad Leon any more than necessary. He’s not exactly the brightest drunk despite his philosophical nature—Leon wouldn’t ask about the more, ah, _traditional_ areas in his current inebriated state—but that doesn’t mean he wants to risk receiving a crash course into Leon’s more personal affairs.

“Oh.” The sheer disappointment he exudes is rather disconcerting considering the subject matter. Raihan’s not exactly sure how a man could be this disappointed over the legality, or illegality rather, of interspecies sex, but Leon manages to surprise him.

Blessedly enough, however, silence descends upon them afterwards. Outside of the clinking of bottles and the distant wail of sirens, it’s silent—no weird conversation topics, no arguments, and no splitting of hairs.

Although, Piers, true to form and to nature, breaks it only three minutes after.

“Victor talks,” he says suddenly. Raihan’s not exactly sure where he’s going with this, but the six empty bottles lined up in front of him do not bode well at all for Piers’s train of thought.

There’s a slight slur to his voice now as well—Piers isn’t much of a drinker despite his height—and Raihan hopes he passes out soon, preferably after Leon. Despite their tendency to argue over inanity, they at least kept each other busy and off of him.

Raihan doesn’t hate his friends, but they were simply, for lack of a better, idiots when drunk—more so without Sonia here. While it made for some fantastic pictures for his blog, it isn’t exactly the most bearable event in and of itself, at least without excessive amounts of alcohol.

He really should be getting back to that.

“And?” Leon asks.

“Your Charizard can’t talk,” Piers says with a level of confidence that only a drunkard halfway to passing out could muster. “He can’t consent because you can’t even understand him.”

“I understand him!” Leon pauses. “Most of the time.”

His words aren’t exactly inspiring for either of them, but Raihan isn’t going to argue or interject. He doesn’t want the details of exactly _what_ Leon means.

“Still, just because Victor can talk doesn’t mean he can consent,” Leon continues. “He doesn’t even have a license yet.”

“You don’t either,” Piers retorts. “You just fuckin’ ride around on your Charizard.”

Raihan winces at that. It’s a poor choice of words in his opinion.

“Yeah, but Victor’s _twelve_ ”—Leon emphasizes the number—"even Charizard’s older than him.”

“By a year you mean.”

“Charizards age differently. Human standards shouldn’t be applied to them an—”

Oh fuck, he can’t do this right now.

He downs another bottle. He’s up to six now, and he doesn’t even feel moderately tipsy, a little buzzed perhaps, but nothing that would help him deal with this bullshit.

Another squabble, and he hears the cap of a bottle, Leon’s, pop.

Inwardly, Raihan curses his alcohol tolerance. It’s certainly great for drinking contests, but not so much for this. He doesn’t want to be an accessory if the police ever end up questioning him about whatever the fuck’s going on with his friends. He’s not exactly the best liar in the world, not under pressure anyhow.

It’s one thing to be good at public relations and another to lie to the damn police.

But still, he couldn’t let them continue for much longer. He already sees their fingers moving towards their respective Poké Balls. He doesn’t want to see Obstagoon, and he _especially_ doesn’t want to see Charizard. He’s heard enough about the lizard—it’s not a damn dragon no matter how much Leon insists—for today.

His house isn’t a small one, but he doesn’t exactly want a Fire Blast going through his newly renovated wall or a Shadow Claw tearing up his drapery and paintings.

He may have a steady income, but renovations are expensive, and he doesn’t want his property values to go down again or another fine. He doesn’t think his neighbors would accept more autographs and memorabilia as compensation for the ruckus either, not after last time. He’s still not sure how Yamper and Toxtricity managed to shut off the entire city’s power grid.

Though, he doesn’t think a simple plea would help. Both of them are entirely too riled up now.

So he does the next best thing. He tries to piss them both off. Maybe it’s the alcohol, but one could quell anger with more anger, right? The whole "fight fire with fire" deal.

“At least you’re not fucking your siblings, yeah?” Raihan says, smiling. It’s a shit-eating grin, and he knows it.

It’s a comment that would get him killed normally, but maybe he could divert their anger? Or maybe the increased heart rate would make them pass out sooner? He hasn’t exactly thought it out thoroughly in hindsight, but it’s not like he had much time to think. He hadn’t wanted more property damage.

He expects a pause and then shouting, not the silence that comes after or the way Piers’s eyes shift elsewhere.

Raihan’s smile falters.

“Y-you’re not, right? Are you fucking bo—”

“I’m goin' to the bathroom,” Piers says before promptly standing up and leaving. He doesn't even set down his bottle first.

Silence. He certainly hadn’t expected that nor had he wanted to know.

He hears a faint crash, the shattering of glass, and Piers’s distant cursing—probably bumped his knee into the door again—before Leon speaks.

“Not yet.”

“Yet?” He truly regrets inviting them without Sonia. She always reined in their odder—and often more than likely illegal—tendencies.

“Well, yeah. Hop’s too young an—”

Raihan couldn’t even hide his groans this time, not that Leon seems to mind. He only continues to talk and talk and talk.

It’s awful, and he’s not exactly keen on hearing about Leon’s apparently faulty moral compass.

Raihan lets out another groan before pausing.

“Wait, Sonia’s conference was canceled!”

**Author's Note:**

> It's a bit off-color I think, but it's nice to have something I don't have to do heavy research or thought on. I do plan to actually do a serious WTKB fic one day, or at least something that isn't just mentioned but that has to come after my current projects. Similarly, I'll do a NZMS fic where it's not guilt-ridden and/or underage one day (soon maybe? idk). I always have my list of projects listed on my profile anyway.
> 
> Cut Scenes: A section where Raihan ends up complaining to Lance about his friends and turns out, dysfunction is a near-requirement of being Champion (ie. Ethan's in some fucky three-way relationship with Proton and Red)+Lance wishes pokephilia, underage, and incest were his only problems and not Looker showing up to the Pokemon League with the Internatonal Police, a brief section with Sonia having a girl's night out with Nessa and Bea and her complaining about how how she and Raihan are the only normal people in her friend group


End file.
